So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
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Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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