do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
