Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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