Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
