have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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