i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
