I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
