every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
