so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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