I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
this boner is exhausting
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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