There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
