I must be too annoying 4 u.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
