Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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