Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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