dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
