I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
