Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.