Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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