I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
