nut hugger
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
