Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i came on her dog
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
