South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
