Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
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That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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