So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
