Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
BRING THE BAGELS
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
