no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
