shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
