I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
