the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
