I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
