he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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