If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
porn star boner night. come get it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I party with great urgency now.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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