dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What a dumb baby whore.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
