: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
