took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize