yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he thought i was a dude.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you had me at cake vodka
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
