It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
