Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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