We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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