Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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