just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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