her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
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my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
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Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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