the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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