i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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