What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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