Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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