Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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