You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
