I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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