I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
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It was like getting head from an anaconda
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
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After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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