i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
