You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
