I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
