Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
