If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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