what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
