Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
