Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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