Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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