porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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