I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
