It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
