I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
