I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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