i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
