Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
