You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
